The path is there and so clear...The door is open and I am in the kitchen...He is cooking (Miguel would say cocking). The smell of vinegar is every where....Even in my pocket...
Somebody is singing about liberty...Good old high school days; innocence, childishness, nothingness...
They came with a loud mobile ring and then an unknown language, but you know what is going on....Do you know how I can get to the nearest bank? But today is sunday. I don't really care show me the way...
I've been through it before. Faces are boiling, coming up and fading. I am just watching every possible things. From past, from now, from inside and from outside. Watching is tough job, I know.
TV is fucked up, brain damaged. On and off. On and off. On and off.
Moments are getting deeper, longer, wider. Kitchen is full by different bubbles of feelings. They are approaching to me. It seems that they are just attracted by me. Advancing, touching my skin and then a massive sudden silence crying: BANG. Everything is fading and then it is absolute darkness or brightness. You never know which one is coming. Black or white? Just extremes, extremes, extremes....
Fuck...I have to keep on watching...The TV is again off....Yanniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Loneliness with all around, peace with all around, anger with nobody around....And now is friends...Which episode? I don't know....
The smell of vinegar converting to Teen Spirit and it is not coming out of the pot, but from HI-FI...Is it right? Yes, it is nirvana. How come? Modern world, total illusion somehow....
He closed the door and continued his words. Words are capturing the feelings from a separated island. Green, friendly with full of shopping.
Next war...Next month...Next job...Next life...One day, sooner or later. Does it really matter? Sometimes.
And I have to keep on watching...The TV is on instead of off....Even no reason to shout Yanniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Sunday sun is cold and freezing. Spring is here although she is sometimes so chicky.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Sleep while awake
Here, on the stone
On my back, massive
Lemony landscape
And in front, sea
Is calling me
I look quite absent
Even though sharply aware:
I am coming, I am going
And at the end, I'll realize
Everything was similar
And at the same time
Was not
The sky was brightly blue
And now it is cloudy gray:
I used to wear white with
Dark hair, and today
I am in dark with
White head
I am coming, I am going
I doubt that I was sleeping
I doubt that I was sleeping
Wondering if I was dreaming
Sleeping, dreaming
Dreaming, sleeping
The smell of lemon leaves
Taste like the bitter
Spirit of condom
And in front, sea
Is calling me
I doubt that I was sleeping
Wondering if I was dreaming
Sleeping, dreaming
Dreaming, sleeping
Wondering if I was dreaming
Sleeping, dreaming
Dreaming, sleeping
But everything is similar
And at the same time
Is not
Farhad Mehrad
Monday, March 26, 2007
Delicate sound of silence
Silence is an infinity
An ocean with a sandy
Yellow bright coast
Carring on all the horizon
With no end up to sky
Silence is like a bath
In which pain and relief
Sadness and happiness
Make love, so passionate
With no condom whatsoever
Pure, wild, wet, loud
And then going to bed
Quite peacefully devastated
Silence is like a lyric
A potential song
Which never played
Can be an elegy, ode
Quartet, Sonata
But at the end
It is noting than a stage
And a group of shapeless
Colorful instruments
Silence is my voice,
Silence is your words
When you are noting
Or something even less
When I am everything
Or sometimes even more
Silence is mine
Silence is yours
It is my heart beat
Your breath
While we are both
Smiling to death
An ocean with a sandy
Yellow bright coast
Carring on all the horizon
With no end up to sky
Silence is like a bath
In which pain and relief
Sadness and happiness
Make love, so passionate
With no condom whatsoever
Pure, wild, wet, loud
And then going to bed
Quite peacefully devastated
Silence is like a lyric
A potential song
Which never played
Can be an elegy, ode
Quartet, Sonata
But at the end
It is noting than a stage
And a group of shapeless
Colorful instruments
Silence is my voice,
Silence is your words
When you are noting
Or something even less
When I am everything
Or sometimes even more
Silence is mine
Silence is yours
It is my heart beat
Your breath
While we are both
Smiling to death
Monday, March 19, 2007
Late hibernation in the last days of winter
No inspiration,
No time,
No progress,
No temptation,
No enlightment.
I am gonna go through my Karma diet. No writing for a while. Just listening to my silence and assessing my numbers.
This blog will be switched off for a little while.
No time,
No progress,
No temptation,
No enlightment.
I am gonna go through my Karma diet. No writing for a while. Just listening to my silence and assessing my numbers.
This blog will be switched off for a little while.
Friday, March 16, 2007
A reason for writing
(To my mom)
My life appears to me as unnatural, uncertain and incredible as the shape of this surface that my numbers have just created. It seems that the numbers have been a painter, perhaps so perfectionist, to make this fine fine detail of chaos. Now that I look at this artistic design of fake virtual plateau of life, it seems so familiar; perhaps it is because of this design that I write or maybe this design makes me write.
You know your son very well and I know my numbers, my feelings very well. There is no reason for your tears although they are the most beautiful birds in my life. Make them free in a real nice shiny sky, not a day like tonight.
Life is all game as you reminded me. Linguistically, mathematically or psychologically. I am still willing to play, to be winner or a loser.
I love you.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Fire festival of chahar shanbe souri
Flaming cycle of forms never ends. It is evolving with the movement toward the truth, because the truth is reforming with changes of concepts that create all forms in our mind.
There is no form outside. Forms are just a crashing unstable bridge of mind linking mankind to the mother earth, father sky; a noisy, uncertain medium between internal and external butterflies. We smell the reality by our mind. We mine it by our mind, filter it by our mind and choose just a bit of it by our mind.
Fire is untouchable. An uncatchable nostalgic image of heaven that we can just stare to its transforming shadows from far far away and wonder with wide open eyes knocked out by mighty echoes of flaming punches.
Life is an endless motion. Truth is an unexpected momentary lightening of gray emotions resulted by our motion. When you identify yourself in the messy bunch of colorful forms around. When the scary debate of concepts stops with the cracking sound of silence and suddenly you find yourself floating weightless in the infinite horizon of noting; no form, no shape, full of emptiness. Just the soft crystalline breeze of awareness smiles at you and invites you passionately to dance with her in the eternal moonlight, naked, pure, animal.
I am sick of doubt.
Let's fly and fade in this starless dawn. I want to make love with two angels in the sky. One is blond, the other is dark.
Come on, I show you good time. Give me your burning hand of red shine and I give you the yellow kiss of my blue thoughts. We can be a coral song, a united whisper in a black hopeless night.
Let's drown in the ocean of time. Let's go down and down to be eaten by the green submarine of our ego child.
Come on...
There is no form outside. Forms are just a crashing unstable bridge of mind linking mankind to the mother earth, father sky; a noisy, uncertain medium between internal and external butterflies. We smell the reality by our mind. We mine it by our mind, filter it by our mind and choose just a bit of it by our mind.
Fire is untouchable. An uncatchable nostalgic image of heaven that we can just stare to its transforming shadows from far far away and wonder with wide open eyes knocked out by mighty echoes of flaming punches.
Life is an endless motion. Truth is an unexpected momentary lightening of gray emotions resulted by our motion. When you identify yourself in the messy bunch of colorful forms around. When the scary debate of concepts stops with the cracking sound of silence and suddenly you find yourself floating weightless in the infinite horizon of noting; no form, no shape, full of emptiness. Just the soft crystalline breeze of awareness smiles at you and invites you passionately to dance with her in the eternal moonlight, naked, pure, animal.
I am sick of doubt.
Let's fly and fade in this starless dawn. I want to make love with two angels in the sky. One is blond, the other is dark.
Come on, I show you good time. Give me your burning hand of red shine and I give you the yellow kiss of my blue thoughts. We can be a coral song, a united whisper in a black hopeless night.
Let's drown in the ocean of time. Let's go down and down to be eaten by the green submarine of our ego child.
Come on...
Monday, March 12, 2007
Waiting for the Godo
I was waiting for him 24 hours ago. I did everything but nothing came instead of him. It was Sunday and his reason was understandable.
Today he came, not him actually but his parcel. Some minutes ago while I was replying to that email from friend of mine in the sky. I read his email several times while I was sleeping. He was somehow upset with me. I was reading his email and he was in the corner of my room standing in his usual way. He could never ever give a shit to anything.
"Ali, you are so bloody conservative !!" His eyes was full of hate and comedy.
I opened the parcel from Godo. Inside were a dark blue card and a mirror. Card was empty full of nothing and the mirror was full of me. I looked beautiful there. With shinny deep eyes and a fade smile. It was after a long long time.
Certain amount of pain makes us more beautiful. I remembered the last phone chat with Godo:
"Never wait for me...I am coming."
Nick Cave was singing just for me. I closed the big smile of my remembrance. I put the mirror on my heart-shaped box and the card as well. I didn't lock it. It was not necessary. Nobody has the access to it. It is just me who knows where exactly I should look for it, although everybody can see it. When you see something regularly you never look for it properly. You just live with it and that's it.
Norouz is coming in few days. New days, new ways but it is the first time that I am not waiting for it. That's why she is coming so nice and gently toward me.
Thanks for the parcel Godo and thanks for your email Amir, my earliest bud who is playing with angels in the sky.
I opened the ancient door of my tribe and jumped in the bright road of nothing but my image in the mirror.
Let's see...
Today he came, not him actually but his parcel. Some minutes ago while I was replying to that email from friend of mine in the sky. I read his email several times while I was sleeping. He was somehow upset with me. I was reading his email and he was in the corner of my room standing in his usual way. He could never ever give a shit to anything.
"Ali, you are so bloody conservative !!" His eyes was full of hate and comedy.
I opened the parcel from Godo. Inside were a dark blue card and a mirror. Card was empty full of nothing and the mirror was full of me. I looked beautiful there. With shinny deep eyes and a fade smile. It was after a long long time.
Certain amount of pain makes us more beautiful. I remembered the last phone chat with Godo:
"Never wait for me...I am coming."
Nick Cave was singing just for me. I closed the big smile of my remembrance. I put the mirror on my heart-shaped box and the card as well. I didn't lock it. It was not necessary. Nobody has the access to it. It is just me who knows where exactly I should look for it, although everybody can see it. When you see something regularly you never look for it properly. You just live with it and that's it.
Norouz is coming in few days. New days, new ways but it is the first time that I am not waiting for it. That's why she is coming so nice and gently toward me.
Thanks for the parcel Godo and thanks for your email Amir, my earliest bud who is playing with angels in the sky.
I opened the ancient door of my tribe and jumped in the bright road of nothing but my image in the mirror.
Let's see...
Metaxa is speaking
Tonight we understood that:
1- The future of the world is something that can be so tragic. (After that she went to sleep; I think she scared of our deconstructive conversation from the beginning. Very wise of her actually)
2- We are not the people who take apart in this tragedy. we are just gonna be the observers.
3- We are all bullshitting, although we might not be aware of it.
3- We are all cheating. Why? Because we are bullshitting. In order to bullshit, you have to cheat.
4- We ( I mean me and him up to some extent) are not cheating in very emotional level. The game have some rules indeed.
5- As far as we are winner in our game (in other word in our cheating) we are happy.
6- People are cheating in different ways.
7- People might not aware of cheating. But all people are doing it.
8- Death is gonna happen either when you are not expecting it or you are ready for it.
9- I am not ready for it.
10- I want to sleep...
11- good night buddy, see you tomorrow.
12- I am alone again.
13- is not a lucky number.
14- I have to work on my SO WHAT philosophy.
15- I am driven by my feelings. My logic is the tool to justify them.
.
.
.
n- I don't remember it.
1- The future of the world is something that can be so tragic. (After that she went to sleep; I think she scared of our deconstructive conversation from the beginning. Very wise of her actually)
2- We are not the people who take apart in this tragedy. we are just gonna be the observers.
3- We are all bullshitting, although we might not be aware of it.
3- We are all cheating. Why? Because we are bullshitting. In order to bullshit, you have to cheat.
4- We ( I mean me and him up to some extent) are not cheating in very emotional level. The game have some rules indeed.
5- As far as we are winner in our game (in other word in our cheating) we are happy.
6- People are cheating in different ways.
7- People might not aware of cheating. But all people are doing it.
8- Death is gonna happen either when you are not expecting it or you are ready for it.
9- I am not ready for it.
10- I want to sleep...
11- good night buddy, see you tomorrow.
12- I am alone again.
13- is not a lucky number.
14- I have to work on my SO WHAT philosophy.
15- I am driven by my feelings. My logic is the tool to justify them.
.
.
.
n- I don't remember it.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Nothing symphony in three movements
Sundays are so tough recently....For me, sundays become the visual meaning of nothing....Nothing is every where, in the sky, in the way to uni, in the office and in mine. Nothing, nothing, nothing and at the end nothing. Such a massive world of feelings is the space defined by nothing, with no dimension, no axis, no origin. Geometrically nothing, Mathematically nothing, physically nothing, philosophically nothing.I feel nothing, a huge zero in myself. Now I can understand why zero multiply everything gives zero even when it is sitting next to infinity. Positive or minus doesn't make any difference. Nothing is a black-hole of everything. Drains everything inside, fades all the characteristics and gives another identity which is nothing. You become part of it.... So mysterious state of mind it is. Being part of something although it is nothing.
Today I am nothing, absolutely nothing; A 66 Kg mass of zero, a lost worthless particle spinning around the spiral of nothing.
In this terrible mess of nothing, Nothing divide by nothing, gives infinity. The strange infinity out of nothing makes the computers work days and nights; memories save millions of nulls, numerical genome of nothing, which at the end build a wonderful infinity....A black canvas with millions even billions of hot colourful dots. A boiling space of infinity out of nothing. A tiny bit, an interval, an oasis of immortality in the middle of no where. The room that god stays and does nothing. A paradoxical solaris. A cubic bubble that you can see but it is nothing cause its origin is nothing. A glourious visable representation of nothing. Nothing's illusion, that's infinity.
Nothing can build up an infinity, a big bang, the foundation for existance although for nothing.
I exist so I am nothing or I am nothing so I exist? That's another issue beyond my numbers. I just know that I can be existing even for nothing.
Indeed sundays are tough for me. The reason is nothing and nothing else is the reason.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Friday night out
Birmingham raises
On the green gloomy
Main land of an island.
Colorful, smokey, working
Class oriented, wet, windy
Red brick sort of houses
Buildings full of chavs
and chubby women
I am living in one
Used to be my
Source of pain
Nostalgia, dreams
Of my ego child
Recently sacrifice,
An exercise to
Forget without smile.
Cry, terrible cry
Shout, loud shouts
The story of inside
Outside dead flower
Waits for drops of
Fake love with no clouds
Lost in thoughts
Sounds of past
Pure illusion somehow
And so so dark
Oh, my god
that's the reason
For any why.
I am bored, alone
Trip to the town
I know that's not
Right but never mind
Broad street comes out
of the gutter, shallow flirts
Boobs in limelight
Fuck,
that's our modern life
Money, trend,
girls, madness
Change my mood
from great to sadness.
Money, trend,
girls, madness
Change my mood
From great to sadness.
On the green gloomy
Main land of an island.
Colorful, smokey, working
Class oriented, wet, windy
Red brick sort of houses
Buildings full of chavs
and chubby women
I am living in one
Used to be my
Source of pain
Nostalgia, dreams
Of my ego child
Recently sacrifice,
An exercise to
Forget without smile.
Cry, terrible cry
Shout, loud shouts
The story of inside
Outside dead flower
Waits for drops of
Fake love with no clouds
Lost in thoughts
Sounds of past
Pure illusion somehow
And so so dark
Oh, my god
that's the reason
For any why.
I am bored, alone
Trip to the town
I know that's not
Right but never mind
Broad street comes out
of the gutter, shallow flirts
Boobs in limelight
Fuck,
that's our modern life
Money, trend,
girls, madness
Change my mood
from great to sadness.
Money, trend,
girls, madness
Change my mood
From great to sadness.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Happy woman day
Before starting my day, I want to emphasize my great sympathy with women back home who are in in Evin jail now for just asking their rights in an absolutely democratic way. They are in hunger strike now, hunger of food and rights.
I want to send all my regards to women who suffered for their soul, for their love and their child. To my mom, to my all female friends and the one who was not OK when I left the house.
Little girl,
I just wanna
Make you sure
By my eyes
And my soul:
Air is that light
Light stuff
Around your head
And whenever you smile
Gets lighter
I hope for better days and continuous smile for all people; good ones, worthy ones....Happy woman day.
I want to send all my regards to women who suffered for their soul, for their love and their child. To my mom, to my all female friends and the one who was not OK when I left the house.
Little girl,
I just wanna
Make you sure
By my eyes
And my soul:
Air is that light
Light stuff
Around your head
And whenever you smile
Gets lighter
I hope for better days and continuous smile for all people; good ones, worthy ones....Happy woman day.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
On screen now
(Right now, with no reason I killed 2,000,000 evolving codes on my office PC. Shift+Del; Quite an easy job!!)
Once in an old old time
Death was a hunter.
He was strong, young
Wild, sharp, inherently Wise
Like a sword made in sky
Now he is a director
A real Avaunt-guard
Slim, tall, hunch backed
With bright blue eyes
Taking you through
Stairs of sounds, images
dark gray blur light
Perceptions and smiles.
When you reach to the top
You are wondering
That was the job?
Whole an accidental
Cycle of laugh and cry,
Thunders in green yellow
Red purple rarely white
Which was a random
Reflectional function
Of A filter, a tragic
Black-box Called life.
Once in an old old time
Death was a hunter.
He was strong, young
Wild, sharp, inherently Wise
Like a sword made in sky
Now he is a director
A real Avaunt-guard
Slim, tall, hunch backed
With bright blue eyes
Taking you through
Stairs of sounds, images
dark gray blur light
Perceptions and smiles.
When you reach to the top
You are wondering
That was the job?
Whole an accidental
Cycle of laugh and cry,
Thunders in green yellow
Red purple rarely white
Which was a random
Reflectional function
Of A filter, a tragic
Black-box Called life.
Monday, March 05, 2007
Buy 1 get 1 free
Fear, sometimes
invites you to
Watch a movie.
He hands you a paper
Asking for an address
Which nobody knows
In the film that
You are watching
Or even the one of
The next ones
that you're gonna see.
He comes with
Black long suit
Quite trendy fake
Second hand charity
And a black Orange
Mobile phone
Just to make sure
That the tickets are
Gonna be cheap.
He invites you
Just on Wednesdays
2 tickets for price of 1
Buy 1 get 1 free
That's his philosophy.
So in his calender
Everyday is today
And of course
Today is Wednesday
Although for you
It is Tuesday
Maybe Thursday
Or even no day.
If you ignore his generosity
he waits just in the corner
Even closer than your ears
And farts all the time
Like my bored colleague
You should ask him kindly
(Actually both)
To eat more veggies
For the next time
He is coming .
He never answers
If you ask him
Why me? why me?
All smell, Silence
And mystery
Just like
The Dark side
Of Miss Shiny
Moon After
Falling in stinky mire.
invites you to
Watch a movie.
He hands you a paper
Asking for an address
Which nobody knows
In the film that
You are watching
Or even the one of
The next ones
that you're gonna see.
He comes with
Black long suit
Quite trendy fake
Second hand charity
And a black Orange
Mobile phone
Just to make sure
That the tickets are
Gonna be cheap.
He invites you
Just on Wednesdays
2 tickets for price of 1
Buy 1 get 1 free
That's his philosophy.
So in his calender
Everyday is today
And of course
Today is Wednesday
Although for you
It is Tuesday
Maybe Thursday
Or even no day.
If you ignore his generosity
he waits just in the corner
Even closer than your ears
And farts all the time
Like my bored colleague
You should ask him kindly
(Actually both)
To eat more veggies
For the next time
He is coming .
He never answers
If you ask him
Why me? why me?
All smell, Silence
And mystery
Just like
The Dark side
Of Miss Shiny
Moon After
Falling in stinky mire.
Sunday, March 04, 2007
Greenman gents room
And we were together again
On both sides of the table
Waiting for our Sunday lunch
The distance was just
One hand and something
But we are far far now
(Cause I am pissing in
Greenman gents room.
You did the same
couple of minutes ago
Not in the same room though
As a result, Oh,
It seems that I am
Writing a report)
You are drowning in your dreams
And me in my being
So the distance between me and you
Is as far as pissing and dreaming
But when you are not with me
The shitty smell of not-being
(Piff, The smell of next
toilet is awful)
Destroys my dreams
That's why we are both
Being, Waiting and
Dreaming
On both sides of the table
Waiting for our Sunday lunch
The distance was just
One hand and something
But we are far far now
(Cause I am pissing in
Greenman gents room.
You did the same
couple of minutes ago
Not in the same room though
As a result, Oh,
It seems that I am
Writing a report)
You are drowning in your dreams
And me in my being
So the distance between me and you
Is as far as pissing and dreaming
But when you are not with me
The shitty smell of not-being
(Piff, The smell of next
toilet is awful)
Destroys my dreams
That's why we are both
Being, Waiting and
Dreaming
Bad boy in the sunday cell
Today, I think,
I am fed up of living
I woke up
After an unpleasant dream
Then I went to kitchen to
See another tragedy.
I even went out of myself
To see the sun
But it was pissing
I stepped in to office
And what do you expect
Of course
Whole 10 days work
Went to shit
I came back home
It was pissing
We took the bus
It was pissing
We got off in a
Wrong stop and
It was pissing
She was pissed off
Although it was pissing
And I'm in this cell
It is still pissing
I am wondering
Among this 7,000,000,000
talkative mammals in this planet
Who is not pissing at me
Today I am fed up of living
And continuous cycle of pissing
I am soaked
Like the word
"Piss"
I am fed up of living
I woke up
After an unpleasant dream
Then I went to kitchen to
See another tragedy.
I even went out of myself
To see the sun
But it was pissing
I stepped in to office
And what do you expect
Of course
Whole 10 days work
Went to shit
I came back home
It was pissing
We took the bus
It was pissing
We got off in a
Wrong stop and
It was pissing
She was pissed off
Although it was pissing
And I'm in this cell
It is still pissing
I am wondering
Among this 7,000,000,000
talkative mammals in this planet
Who is not pissing at me
Today I am fed up of living
And continuous cycle of pissing
I am soaked
Like the word
"Piss"
Friday, March 02, 2007
Just a break
I haven't moved out yet. Swimming was crap. Work was relatively good. I didn't go to Yoga. Chinese dinner was divine and a girl in cafe-shop after 5 minutes chat told us she is ready for everything. Jesus Christ!!! Such an ordinary day was today.
I read two short stories, which wasn't that bad and an article about the relationship between creativity and mental dis-orders. Apparently 70% of all American writers after world war-II have suffered from kind of mental dis-orders. What the fuck man.
I met that Spanish girl in GYM at train station. She was with her boyfriend. I think she likes him. He likes her as well. She recognized me promptly and well, we had some eyes contact. Why did I write that? Aha, I wanted to say SO WHAT...
We were talking about belief, possibility and probability with Miklos and Bowei and that Chinese director (what was her name? This Chinese language is wow) in lunch time and he told me about Murphy rules. He knows what makes him happy. Piano...
I still don't know.
I also listened to Ballet 1 to 4 of Klaus Shultz. This guy is good but repeating himself a lot. But that's the thing, I think. Beethoven did the same as well as Bach and Vivaldi. So yeah, I enjoyed Ballet 1-4.
I want to work hard again. I feel it somehow. Music, office, being alone, work, and some thoughts in the background. I want them back all together.
Tomorrow is gonna be a busy day. Some business in the morning then teaching and in the night partying in former Aiora's house. I miss this girl.
I hope she's gonna be better till Easter. Let see...
I read two short stories, which wasn't that bad and an article about the relationship between creativity and mental dis-orders. Apparently 70% of all American writers after world war-II have suffered from kind of mental dis-orders. What the fuck man.
I met that Spanish girl in GYM at train station. She was with her boyfriend. I think she likes him. He likes her as well. She recognized me promptly and well, we had some eyes contact. Why did I write that? Aha, I wanted to say SO WHAT...
We were talking about belief, possibility and probability with Miklos and Bowei and that Chinese director (what was her name? This Chinese language is wow) in lunch time and he told me about Murphy rules. He knows what makes him happy. Piano...
I still don't know.
I also listened to Ballet 1 to 4 of Klaus Shultz. This guy is good but repeating himself a lot. But that's the thing, I think. Beethoven did the same as well as Bach and Vivaldi. So yeah, I enjoyed Ballet 1-4.
I want to work hard again. I feel it somehow. Music, office, being alone, work, and some thoughts in the background. I want them back all together.
Tomorrow is gonna be a busy day. Some business in the morning then teaching and in the night partying in former Aiora's house. I miss this girl.
I hope she's gonna be better till Easter. Let see...
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
I am in the plane now
Miguel was here last night. It was nice to see him. We were walking in the same path that we were taking everyday, from office to home. He was talking about his new life, but both of us were in our memories. Nice old days...
He left in the morning after a couple of farts.
- See you soon buddy. I am gonna call you
- Thanks man.
- Go down and see Carmen. She is looking forward to see you
- I will mate. At some points.
- Remember: 27 th of February was not an easy day for me as well.
- I know buddy. I can remember those days.
I was still in the transit room. The flight was ready. The counter was going to be open in a while. No delay whatsoever.
Life dressed up as a flight staff. I should say, she was much nicer with this out fit. It gave her sort of character. And wow, this girl is sexy.
Counter got open. She was behind the counter checking flight cards and passports.
- Oh Ali, you are flying with us then
- Yes, But I thought that you are a passenger not a flight staff.
- Well, Sometimes I am staff, sometimes I am passenger, sometimes I am pilot. It depends to the situation.
She smiled again. I felt something in my stomach. Maybe butterfly effect as chaos theory says.
- So you are quite a chaos.
- Chaos? I told you my name is Life.
- But you are quite chaotic.
- I have no idea what are you talking about.
My stomach made a drastic noise. She came very near. I could smell her perfume.
- I think you are more chaos than me, little Ali. Life can make chaos but it is not chaos. It is Life. A woman that you want to have her, touch her, and sleep with her. But I am expensive, you have to chase me if you want me and of course you need a little bit of luck as well.
She brought her lips near to my ears. I could hear her breathing. The sound of life. Wow, I want her.
- Go and take your sit baby. And be careful how you deal with me. You have a long flight, OK?
I was shocked and not able to say any word. She took her eyes from me and said:
- Next please.
I was pushed to the plane by the pressure of queue behind me. I am in the plane now. I am just a little bit anxious. She was not happy with her peer review. Let's see what they are going to tell her. Offf...
He left in the morning after a couple of farts.
- See you soon buddy. I am gonna call you
- Thanks man.
- Go down and see Carmen. She is looking forward to see you
- I will mate. At some points.
- Remember: 27 th of February was not an easy day for me as well.
- I know buddy. I can remember those days.
I was still in the transit room. The flight was ready. The counter was going to be open in a while. No delay whatsoever.
Life dressed up as a flight staff. I should say, she was much nicer with this out fit. It gave her sort of character. And wow, this girl is sexy.
Counter got open. She was behind the counter checking flight cards and passports.
- Oh Ali, you are flying with us then
- Yes, But I thought that you are a passenger not a flight staff.
- Well, Sometimes I am staff, sometimes I am passenger, sometimes I am pilot. It depends to the situation.
She smiled again. I felt something in my stomach. Maybe butterfly effect as chaos theory says.
- So you are quite a chaos.
- Chaos? I told you my name is Life.
- But you are quite chaotic.
- I have no idea what are you talking about.
My stomach made a drastic noise. She came very near. I could smell her perfume.
- I think you are more chaos than me, little Ali. Life can make chaos but it is not chaos. It is Life. A woman that you want to have her, touch her, and sleep with her. But I am expensive, you have to chase me if you want me and of course you need a little bit of luck as well.
She brought her lips near to my ears. I could hear her breathing. The sound of life. Wow, I want her.
- Go and take your sit baby. And be careful how you deal with me. You have a long flight, OK?
I was shocked and not able to say any word. She took her eyes from me and said:
- Next please.
I was pushed to the plane by the pressure of queue behind me. I am in the plane now. I am just a little bit anxious. She was not happy with her peer review. Let's see what they are going to tell her. Offf...
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Where the hell is Miguel?
I am waiting from 5 PM. Now it is 7:10 and there is no news from this guy. It is funny, I am pending and I have feeling to work more than any time in the last 1 month.
I am hungry too. Very much actually.
Life is in the other side of the room. She is taking her cafe and reading the news. She is sexy, but blonde. I think I like her somehow but I am trying to avoid any eyes contact. It is still very early to make any conversation. Let's see what's gonna come up.
I am reading the book given by the wind:
"chaos theory describes the behaviour of certain nonlinear dynamical systems that under certain conditions exhibit a phenomenon known as chaos. In ecology, chaos theory can explain how small random events may affect large ecosystems in an unpredictable way. Among the characteristics of chaotic systems, described below, is the sensitivity to initial conditions (popularly referred to as the butterfly effect). As a result of this sensitivity, the behaviour of systems that exhibit chaos appears to be random, exhibiting an exponential error dispersion, even though the system is deterministic in the sense that it is well defined and contains no random parameters. Examples of such systems include the atmosphere, the solar system, plate tectonics, turbulent fluids, economics, population growth, and the vast variety of dissipative structures. Some radical advocators of chaos theory claim that in a certain level of observation, all representives of natural life are chaotic systems"
- Oh Ali, You are here.
What the fuck. Life is standing 1 meter far from me.
- Yes, I am waiting for my flight. Actually first my friend and then my flight.
- So you like F words. Friend, Flight and ....
I take a deep breath. She is so chicky.
- Just kidding. You know, airports are kind of boring places. You just want to leave them. By the way, what are you reading?
- A book about my problems.
- Your problems? What kind of problems you have.
- I don't really know.
- So you have many problems
- Somehow
- OK, I will leave you to read. Hope to see you again
- Thanks, same here
She smiled and left. People are moving like waves. It is so so crowded here; a real chaos.
There is still no news from Miguel. It is 7:30. I am upset, hungry and pending.
I am hungry too. Very much actually.
Life is in the other side of the room. She is taking her cafe and reading the news. She is sexy, but blonde. I think I like her somehow but I am trying to avoid any eyes contact. It is still very early to make any conversation. Let's see what's gonna come up.
I am reading the book given by the wind:
"chaos theory describes the behaviour of certain nonlinear dynamical systems that under certain conditions exhibit a phenomenon known as chaos. In ecology, chaos theory can explain how small random events may affect large ecosystems in an unpredictable way. Among the characteristics of chaotic systems, described below, is the sensitivity to initial conditions (popularly referred to as the butterfly effect). As a result of this sensitivity, the behaviour of systems that exhibit chaos appears to be random, exhibiting an exponential error dispersion, even though the system is deterministic in the sense that it is well defined and contains no random parameters. Examples of such systems include the atmosphere, the solar system, plate tectonics, turbulent fluids, economics, population growth, and the vast variety of dissipative structures. Some radical advocators of chaos theory claim that in a certain level of observation, all representives of natural life are chaotic systems"
- Oh Ali, You are here.
What the fuck. Life is standing 1 meter far from me.
- Yes, I am waiting for my flight. Actually first my friend and then my flight.
- So you like F words. Friend, Flight and ....
I take a deep breath. She is so chicky.
- Just kidding. You know, airports are kind of boring places. You just want to leave them. By the way, what are you reading?
- A book about my problems.
- Your problems? What kind of problems you have.
- I don't really know.
- So you have many problems
- Somehow
- OK, I will leave you to read. Hope to see you again
- Thanks, same here
She smiled and left. People are moving like waves. It is so so crowded here; a real chaos.
There is still no news from Miguel. It is 7:30. I am upset, hungry and pending.
I am not gonna see Wind for a while. But I will be with Life, chaos, pen and picture
I gave all of my expectations to Wind. They were so heavy and if I wanted to take them as well, I should pay the fortune for them.
- So what should I do with them?
- I don't know. Give it to somebody who needs them.
- Charity then?
- I don't know man. It is too late to talk about it. I might miss the flight.
My flight number was pi, from mine to the other side of mine. I was just a little bit worry about the happy couple. I wanted them to leave and then fly. I hope they leave today or tomorrow.
- But you did your job man, no worries.
I was in the queue for the security check. It was a long long queue. We were still in the green zone so Wind was also nearby. He is marvelous friend, I should say.
- Did you say something?
- No man, I was just thinking about the flight.
- Don't think about it. Just do it.
- I know. I am already in the queue. There is no way back.
- But anyway man. I want you to keep them for your flight.
He put his hand into his pocket. He took a small book, a picture and a pen. He gave them to me.
- What the fuck man, I am not going to die. I will come back for sure.
- I know, but you are gonna need them in your trip.
- Man, this is very nice of you.
The small book was about Chaos Theory.
- I gave it to you to forget your expectations here. I am gonna take care of them or give them to a proper person. Just don't forget; You are responsible to read the book. Nobody is going to read it instead of you.
- I know man.
- And I think you have to solve the last 2 problems by yourself and with your common scenes. There is no information in the book about them. Just keep your nose open.
I took a look to the problems. The first one was a page full of scrambled letters and symbols from all languages and cultures. From C++ to Sanskrit and from complex numbers to set theories.
- This is the whole written knowledge of mankind. Try to find your sentence there.
- Data mining then?
- Sort of, but not exactly the same. I told you; there is no solution. You should build the whole procedure by yourself.
- OK, I'll try.
- You are not gonna come back with out the solution, you know?
- Yeah, I know.
The second problem. The page was empty.
- And the second problem man. It is about future. You have to draw your future in this page. You can come back without solving this problem. But you should at least sketch some lines there. You can do it actually when you are coming back, after solving the first one. The pen is for that.
- OK. But I have no fucking idea.
- Nobody has. That's why you should solve it.
- Fuck you man, when there is no problem, how can I have a solution?
- That's the thing. You should define the problem by yourself.
- One time I did it man, it is enough for my entire life.
- You think so?
I looked to the picture that he gave me.
- This picture is going to talk to you sometimes. It is real. Don't think that you are dreaming. It is you.
The picture was a picture of an infant in the arms of her lady fantasy. He continued:
- Sometimes let the pen to write by itself and the picture to talk by itself. Just give them the chance. This is your hint buddy. You are gonna solve the problems, I am sure.
- And if I didn't?
- You are not coming back then.
- Are you coming with me?
- No. I can't smoke in the plane. But I'll wait in the airport to give you a lift back home. I'll continue playing chess with that guys and drinking with drunk grandpa. He is a cool guy. He spent all of his life in the airport though. You are not gonna ended like that.
- I know. I don't want.
- Did you take your spirit.
- Yes, it is in my valet.
- OK then, Don't spend it too much.
- I am not gonna spend the spirit at all.
- Never say that, you never know. But remember what Maria told you.
- I tattooed it on my body.
- So you are not gonna forget it.
- No
- Good then.
- I gave the stamp back. I went there yesterday.
- Was she upset for the stamp?
- Not at all. She said that she was sure that "It's gonna be back"
We were following the queue toward the yellow zone.
- OK man, I leave you with your flight and your dreams. Just...
- Just what?
- Are you sure that you take everything?
- I am never sure, you know?
- Yeah,
- But I am kind of sure.
- If you need something ask.
- From whom.
- I don't know, just ask. Somebody is gonna respond.
- Are you sure?
- Fuck you man, You are never sure and you want me to be sure?
He was right. We hugged each other. I am not gonna see him for a while. That's life. She was a girl in the queue. She looked at me. I looked back. She smiled. I smiled.
- What's your name?
- My name is Life. And yours?
- Ali
- Nice to see you Ali.
- And nice to see you Life.
Wind disappeared. But I was sure where he was. Somewhere in this old planet smoking. It was me, Life, and a long queue to take the flight and some stupid dogs who are proud to be the security. Airports are dark comedy, particularly in this country.
- So what should I do with them?
- I don't know. Give it to somebody who needs them.
- Charity then?
- I don't know man. It is too late to talk about it. I might miss the flight.
My flight number was pi, from mine to the other side of mine. I was just a little bit worry about the happy couple. I wanted them to leave and then fly. I hope they leave today or tomorrow.
- But you did your job man, no worries.
I was in the queue for the security check. It was a long long queue. We were still in the green zone so Wind was also nearby. He is marvelous friend, I should say.
- Did you say something?
- No man, I was just thinking about the flight.
- Don't think about it. Just do it.
- I know. I am already in the queue. There is no way back.
- But anyway man. I want you to keep them for your flight.
He put his hand into his pocket. He took a small book, a picture and a pen. He gave them to me.
- What the fuck man, I am not going to die. I will come back for sure.
- I know, but you are gonna need them in your trip.
- Man, this is very nice of you.
The small book was about Chaos Theory.
- I gave it to you to forget your expectations here. I am gonna take care of them or give them to a proper person. Just don't forget; You are responsible to read the book. Nobody is going to read it instead of you.
- I know man.
- And I think you have to solve the last 2 problems by yourself and with your common scenes. There is no information in the book about them. Just keep your nose open.
I took a look to the problems. The first one was a page full of scrambled letters and symbols from all languages and cultures. From C++ to Sanskrit and from complex numbers to set theories.
- This is the whole written knowledge of mankind. Try to find your sentence there.
- Data mining then?
- Sort of, but not exactly the same. I told you; there is no solution. You should build the whole procedure by yourself.
- OK, I'll try.
- You are not gonna come back with out the solution, you know?
- Yeah, I know.
The second problem. The page was empty.
- And the second problem man. It is about future. You have to draw your future in this page. You can come back without solving this problem. But you should at least sketch some lines there. You can do it actually when you are coming back, after solving the first one. The pen is for that.
- OK. But I have no fucking idea.
- Nobody has. That's why you should solve it.
- Fuck you man, when there is no problem, how can I have a solution?
- That's the thing. You should define the problem by yourself.
- One time I did it man, it is enough for my entire life.
- You think so?
I looked to the picture that he gave me.
- This picture is going to talk to you sometimes. It is real. Don't think that you are dreaming. It is you.
The picture was a picture of an infant in the arms of her lady fantasy. He continued:
- Sometimes let the pen to write by itself and the picture to talk by itself. Just give them the chance. This is your hint buddy. You are gonna solve the problems, I am sure.
- And if I didn't?
- You are not coming back then.
- Are you coming with me?
- No. I can't smoke in the plane. But I'll wait in the airport to give you a lift back home. I'll continue playing chess with that guys and drinking with drunk grandpa. He is a cool guy. He spent all of his life in the airport though. You are not gonna ended like that.
- I know. I don't want.
- Did you take your spirit.
- Yes, it is in my valet.
- OK then, Don't spend it too much.
- I am not gonna spend the spirit at all.
- Never say that, you never know. But remember what Maria told you.
- I tattooed it on my body.
- So you are not gonna forget it.
- No
- Good then.
- I gave the stamp back. I went there yesterday.
- Was she upset for the stamp?
- Not at all. She said that she was sure that "It's gonna be back"
We were following the queue toward the yellow zone.
- OK man, I leave you with your flight and your dreams. Just...
- Just what?
- Are you sure that you take everything?
- I am never sure, you know?
- Yeah,
- But I am kind of sure.
- If you need something ask.
- From whom.
- I don't know, just ask. Somebody is gonna respond.
- Are you sure?
- Fuck you man, You are never sure and you want me to be sure?
He was right. We hugged each other. I am not gonna see him for a while. That's life. She was a girl in the queue. She looked at me. I looked back. She smiled. I smiled.
- What's your name?
- My name is Life. And yours?
- Ali
- Nice to see you Ali.
- And nice to see you Life.
Wind disappeared. But I was sure where he was. Somewhere in this old planet smoking. It was me, Life, and a long queue to take the flight and some stupid dogs who are proud to be the security. Airports are dark comedy, particularly in this country.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
This sunday Rene is cooking
I paid the bills of our house so now we don't have any problem regarding to happy couple. They are going to leave.
- It was nice play man.
Somebody said it quickly. Was it Rene?
- Rene is cooking for you guys now. He is in the kitchen.
- Was it you?
- Me?
Wind came in with an envelope.
- No, It wasn't me. I was out.
- You bought the ticket, ha?
- Youp, here you go.
I checked the date. Everything was OK.
- Is there any need for reconfirmation or something?
- No man, Maria reconfirmed it. Here is the stamp.
- Fucking hell man, you brought the stamp by itself. You are crazy.
I remembered all the good times that I was there. Nice pictures in my mind. Specially one night. I was in love that night.
I looked at Maria's house number. I gave a miss call to her.
- Hola, Ketal?
- Bien, Come in Ali.
I came in and stood up near the door. She was putting her jacket.
- So see you later Maria.
- Take care, OK?
- I will
We walked over. We crossed the street.
- Did you open yourself?
- Somehow.
It was hard to say her about my flight. But I had to do it. Wind was looking at the picture of her lady fantasy.
- How was your date man? You were running to university station like an Olympic gold medallist.
- She is a lovely girl.
- Yeah, Rosa told me the same.
- What did she tell you?
- That she is trying her best to run out of it.
Rosa's eyes was fantastic. Shinny, bright, brave, passionate and honest. I think that's why she could talk about it freely.
- Love makes you free, ha man?
- Yeah, because when you are truly in love, you have noting left to lose.
- So that's why you are flying.
- Yeah, man.
- But noting is an heavy word although it is noting.
I looked at the drunk old guy over the bar. His flight was cancelled and he should wait a little bit more. Actually how much time should he wait?
- I think another life.
Wind was shouting from the smoking area. He was with 2 other guys playing stupid threesome chess and smoking.
I took my backpack. I gave it to Wind to go for check-in. I should go to the kitchen to join the others for dinner. Today Rene is cooking. Bowei is not coming. Yanni and Margarita have another plan. Happy couples will be invited, I suppose. Craig is not coming because he is not sexually match.
Nice, garlicky meal. Even my room with closed door is smelling. I just remembered that piece of paper in her cave.
- Deal?
- Positive +++
Both of us should go through it. I want to hear her clicking even I am sure it is never gonna be for me.
- Never say never. Remember your granny.
- She was believing in angles; you know? I don't.
- But you believe in math, don't you?
- Yes
- Life is chaos man.
- And mathematically chaos can make miracles.
- Here you go.
- But nobody knows, chaos is unpredictable.
- Miracles are unpredictable too. You see?
Craig was laughing outside of my room. Wind was right. Miracles are all sort of things that you don't expect them. If we have no expectation then we give the chance to miracles to happen.
The CD finished and repeated itself again. I have to go to kitchen. Dinner is gonna be ready in some minutes.
- It was nice play man.
Somebody said it quickly. Was it Rene?
- Rene is cooking for you guys now. He is in the kitchen.
- Was it you?
- Me?
Wind came in with an envelope.
- No, It wasn't me. I was out.
- You bought the ticket, ha?
- Youp, here you go.
I checked the date. Everything was OK.
- Is there any need for reconfirmation or something?
- No man, Maria reconfirmed it. Here is the stamp.
- Fucking hell man, you brought the stamp by itself. You are crazy.
I remembered all the good times that I was there. Nice pictures in my mind. Specially one night. I was in love that night.
I looked at Maria's house number. I gave a miss call to her.
- Hola, Ketal?
- Bien, Come in Ali.
I came in and stood up near the door. She was putting her jacket.
- So see you later Maria.
- Take care, OK?
- I will
We walked over. We crossed the street.
- Did you open yourself?
- Somehow.
It was hard to say her about my flight. But I had to do it. Wind was looking at the picture of her lady fantasy.
- How was your date man? You were running to university station like an Olympic gold medallist.
- She is a lovely girl.
- Yeah, Rosa told me the same.
- What did she tell you?
- That she is trying her best to run out of it.
Rosa's eyes was fantastic. Shinny, bright, brave, passionate and honest. I think that's why she could talk about it freely.
- Love makes you free, ha man?
- Yeah, because when you are truly in love, you have noting left to lose.
- So that's why you are flying.
- Yeah, man.
- But noting is an heavy word although it is noting.
I looked at the drunk old guy over the bar. His flight was cancelled and he should wait a little bit more. Actually how much time should he wait?
- I think another life.
Wind was shouting from the smoking area. He was with 2 other guys playing stupid threesome chess and smoking.
I took my backpack. I gave it to Wind to go for check-in. I should go to the kitchen to join the others for dinner. Today Rene is cooking. Bowei is not coming. Yanni and Margarita have another plan. Happy couples will be invited, I suppose. Craig is not coming because he is not sexually match.
Nice, garlicky meal. Even my room with closed door is smelling. I just remembered that piece of paper in her cave.
- Deal?
- Positive +++
Both of us should go through it. I want to hear her clicking even I am sure it is never gonna be for me.
- Never say never. Remember your granny.
- She was believing in angles; you know? I don't.
- But you believe in math, don't you?
- Yes
- Life is chaos man.
- And mathematically chaos can make miracles.
- Here you go.
- But nobody knows, chaos is unpredictable.
- Miracles are unpredictable too. You see?
Craig was laughing outside of my room. Wind was right. Miracles are all sort of things that you don't expect them. If we have no expectation then we give the chance to miracles to happen.
The CD finished and repeated itself again. I have to go to kitchen. Dinner is gonna be ready in some minutes.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Today is for today
I was in the engagement party last night. Do you remember?
- Yeah, You mean Mrs. Brick and Mr. Mirror?
- That's right?
- I was there too
- What? I couldn't see you
- Because I am wiped out. You told me. Do you remember?
And I remember that I met Wind there. Probably I am still drunk from last night. Such a night, It is 10:28 and I came back 6:00 in the morning. I can remember it now.
Tom Waits was there to sing the wedding song and Plato as the priest. The other guests were...
- Why are you telling all this bullshit? Last night was for last night.
I looked at wind. He was in his usual place, rolling a cigarette.
- You are smoking too much. It is not healthy.
- Don't tell me this crap man. Some people die because of smoking, somebody because of suicide attack and somebody because of love
- I didn't know love can kill.
- Youp, it is like water. It gives you life if you drink it and it kills you if you drawn in it
- I didn't look at it like that.
- You don't know many things.
- I want to go and smoke.
- OK, I'll wait for you here.
I came back with some music. In the kitchen, they were talking about the dinner tonight, English course and the MPHIL. Such a long story is this MPHIL !
- Man, you look much stronger.
- I know. Sport helps. But I have a pain in my heart.
- Are you sure it is not in your head?
- But I feel it there, In my heart.
- Feeling doesn't matter.
- So what does matter?
- You matter.
I decided to move from this country for a while. Just few people know about it. I have some bills to pay (again for my house mates!) and then a backpack and airport.
- But you are gonna come back.
- Yeah, I will
- I can give you a lift if you want.
- Did you fix your car?
- Rene has a car.
- But he gave it to Mrs. Brick for honey moon.
- Is she gonna drive?
- Yes, Mirror doesn't have driving licence.
- I didn't know that.
- You don't know many things
Wind was pissed off. I answered him back in less than 10 minuets.
- You are bustard.
- No, I am not.
- Yes, you are.
Wind stood up.
- Ok, I am off.
- Are you pissed off?
- No, I have a date with a lady. Her name is fantacy. My lady fantacy.
- Oh, I didn't know that. I thought you become gay.
- Fuck you man.
- Who is that lucky girl.
He got red. He took his valet out
- This is her picture.
I saw her picture. It was a lake on the top of a green hill.
- Where did you met her?
- In my dream.
- So you also believe in dreams.
- Youp, and miracles as well.
He was in love. He received a text.
- Man I have to go. She is in university station.
- Ok man, See you later.
- See you.
He ran out.
- You forgot your valet.
- No problem. She is gonna pay
- You are a beast.
- I am
He shouted and the door got close with a massive BANG. Ah, this guy is in love.
- Hey, be careful to not get drawn
- No worries, I am a good swimmer.
He took my swimming suit
- Can I take them.
- Of course.
He left. I have to go as well.
Last night was for last night and today is for today.
- Yeah, You mean Mrs. Brick and Mr. Mirror?
- That's right?
- I was there too
- What? I couldn't see you
- Because I am wiped out. You told me. Do you remember?
And I remember that I met Wind there. Probably I am still drunk from last night. Such a night, It is 10:28 and I came back 6:00 in the morning. I can remember it now.
Tom Waits was there to sing the wedding song and Plato as the priest. The other guests were...
- Why are you telling all this bullshit? Last night was for last night.
I looked at wind. He was in his usual place, rolling a cigarette.
- You are smoking too much. It is not healthy.
- Don't tell me this crap man. Some people die because of smoking, somebody because of suicide attack and somebody because of love
- I didn't know love can kill.
- Youp, it is like water. It gives you life if you drink it and it kills you if you drawn in it
- I didn't look at it like that.
- You don't know many things.
- I want to go and smoke.
- OK, I'll wait for you here.
I came back with some music. In the kitchen, they were talking about the dinner tonight, English course and the MPHIL. Such a long story is this MPHIL !
- Man, you look much stronger.
- I know. Sport helps. But I have a pain in my heart.
- Are you sure it is not in your head?
- But I feel it there, In my heart.
- Feeling doesn't matter.
- So what does matter?
- You matter.
I decided to move from this country for a while. Just few people know about it. I have some bills to pay (again for my house mates!) and then a backpack and airport.
- But you are gonna come back.
- Yeah, I will
- I can give you a lift if you want.
- Did you fix your car?
- Rene has a car.
- But he gave it to Mrs. Brick for honey moon.
- Is she gonna drive?
- Yes, Mirror doesn't have driving licence.
- I didn't know that.
- You don't know many things
Wind was pissed off. I answered him back in less than 10 minuets.
- You are bustard.
- No, I am not.
- Yes, you are.
Wind stood up.
- Ok, I am off.
- Are you pissed off?
- No, I have a date with a lady. Her name is fantacy. My lady fantacy.
- Oh, I didn't know that. I thought you become gay.
- Fuck you man.
- Who is that lucky girl.
He got red. He took his valet out
- This is her picture.
I saw her picture. It was a lake on the top of a green hill.
- Where did you met her?
- In my dream.
- So you also believe in dreams.
- Youp, and miracles as well.
He was in love. He received a text.
- Man I have to go. She is in university station.
- Ok man, See you later.
- See you.
He ran out.
- You forgot your valet.
- No problem. She is gonna pay
- You are a beast.
- I am
He shouted and the door got close with a massive BANG. Ah, this guy is in love.
- Hey, be careful to not get drawn
- No worries, I am a good swimmer.
He took my swimming suit
- Can I take them.
- Of course.
He left. I have to go as well.
Last night was for last night and today is for today.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Mrs. Brick and Mr. Mirror got engaged with 2 kids. It is awsome, isn't it?
My new friends are Mr. spider and Miss black cat. They are coming everyday to visit me but in different times. They don't like each other. I mean they can't stand each other. I remember one time:
- You are a fucking bitch, black witch.
- What do you think you are? Skinny rubbish. Daddy long legs.
- Stop it guys, we just want to have a cafe.
For me was not a big deal. While they were arguing, I was in my space dancing with both of them in the wind.
- Are you calling me again? My car is broke down today. You are again late for swimming; ha?
- Yes, I am. I don't have the feeling to go.
- What about Yoga class?
- I don't think so.
Wind have been always helpful. Good friend of mine. That's a pity that I can't drink cafe with him. He is very picky about the things that he eats.
Somebody knocked the door.
- I am going.
- OK.
I stood up.
- Have a nice day.
- You too.
- See you tomorrow.
- See you tomorrow.
Wind was looking at me.
- Do you want to have a cafe. I can make it for you.
- Third one? no thanks.
Mr. Spider was in the corner of the room, making his web and Miss cat was thinking about her nails. They are awful. She whispers.
White cat got online. We were in the same university and then long time no see. But we are good friends. Very good actually. She buzzed in MSN.
- Azizam?
- Salam
- How are you?
- Not that good.
- Why?
- You know.
It was a big silence in the room. Black cat and spider were looking at each other. Wind was standing and rolling a cigarette, but suddenly he stopped. He opened the window and ran out. Spider trough his web and grabbed the cigarette. Black cat wanted it as well. The same fucking shit. I am fed up with them. Ah,...
Wind came from the door. He had a brick in his hands.
- I brought it to smash your mirror.
- Are you kidding or what?
- No, No. I am positive
- What the fuck you want from my mirror?
- Brake the mirror to brake yourself.
- Again philosophy?
- No this is physics. This is Newton second law.
- Don't smoke too much, man.
- It wipes my mind.
- Yeah, that's why nobody can see you. You are wipped out.
- So you don't want it?
I looked at him. Spider and Black cat were fighting again. I couldn't stand them anymore.
- Don't worry. I will take them home.
- How? Your car was broke down you told me.
- Rene has a car.
Big sillence. I was shocked. Three of them were laughing together. very loud. I started to smile, while I didn't know what to say.
- OK we are going. He took the brick and put it in the black cat's bag.
- Leave it. I might need it.
- You will. Spider told me while he was taking his web into his back pack.
They were gone. I was writing. I stood up and took the brick. It was written on its back:
"To my lovely brother, White cat in Paris"
I looked at the mirror with the brick in my hand. I remembered old school days. When I was 18 and all of a sudden I shaved my head. It was a cold snowy day.
- Time will pass. Your hair had grown again. Do you remember?
White cat sent an offline message for me.
We hugged each other in MSN virtual reality.
- You gained some weight.
- No, I lost.
- You girls are always young and fit.
- Shut up!
- How is it going with that guy?
- I fucked him up.
- You are so chicky.
- Not with you
- You are right. I kissed her chin
She went for her work. I finished the post and got ready to go to swimming pool. I should say the main reason was the fact that I didn't have any credit in my mobile to text Miklos that I am not coming. It is funny, ha?
Having no credit in mobile makes you to move the ass. Maybe that's why she even hasn't bought a SIM card yet. Who knows??!!!
Swimming was good. And of course, Rosa's shiny eyes afterward.
When is gonna be my turn?
- You are a fucking bitch, black witch.
- What do you think you are? Skinny rubbish. Daddy long legs.
- Stop it guys, we just want to have a cafe.
For me was not a big deal. While they were arguing, I was in my space dancing with both of them in the wind.
- Are you calling me again? My car is broke down today. You are again late for swimming; ha?
- Yes, I am. I don't have the feeling to go.
- What about Yoga class?
- I don't think so.
Wind have been always helpful. Good friend of mine. That's a pity that I can't drink cafe with him. He is very picky about the things that he eats.
Somebody knocked the door.
- I am going.
- OK.
I stood up.
- Have a nice day.
- You too.
- See you tomorrow.
- See you tomorrow.
Wind was looking at me.
- Do you want to have a cafe. I can make it for you.
- Third one? no thanks.
Mr. Spider was in the corner of the room, making his web and Miss cat was thinking about her nails. They are awful. She whispers.
White cat got online. We were in the same university and then long time no see. But we are good friends. Very good actually. She buzzed in MSN.
- Azizam?
- Salam
- How are you?
- Not that good.
- Why?
- You know.
It was a big silence in the room. Black cat and spider were looking at each other. Wind was standing and rolling a cigarette, but suddenly he stopped. He opened the window and ran out. Spider trough his web and grabbed the cigarette. Black cat wanted it as well. The same fucking shit. I am fed up with them. Ah,...
Wind came from the door. He had a brick in his hands.
- I brought it to smash your mirror.
- Are you kidding or what?
- No, No. I am positive
- What the fuck you want from my mirror?
- Brake the mirror to brake yourself.
- Again philosophy?
- No this is physics. This is Newton second law.
- Don't smoke too much, man.
- It wipes my mind.
- Yeah, that's why nobody can see you. You are wipped out.
- So you don't want it?
I looked at him. Spider and Black cat were fighting again. I couldn't stand them anymore.
- Don't worry. I will take them home.
- How? Your car was broke down you told me.
- Rene has a car.
Big sillence. I was shocked. Three of them were laughing together. very loud. I started to smile, while I didn't know what to say.
- OK we are going. He took the brick and put it in the black cat's bag.
- Leave it. I might need it.
- You will. Spider told me while he was taking his web into his back pack.
They were gone. I was writing. I stood up and took the brick. It was written on its back:
"To my lovely brother, White cat in Paris"
I looked at the mirror with the brick in my hand. I remembered old school days. When I was 18 and all of a sudden I shaved my head. It was a cold snowy day.
- Time will pass. Your hair had grown again. Do you remember?
White cat sent an offline message for me.
We hugged each other in MSN virtual reality.
- You gained some weight.
- No, I lost.
- You girls are always young and fit.
- Shut up!
- How is it going with that guy?
- I fucked him up.
- You are so chicky.
- Not with you
- You are right. I kissed her chin
She went for her work. I finished the post and got ready to go to swimming pool. I should say the main reason was the fact that I didn't have any credit in my mobile to text Miklos that I am not coming. It is funny, ha?
Having no credit in mobile makes you to move the ass. Maybe that's why she even hasn't bought a SIM card yet. Who knows??!!!
Swimming was good. And of course, Rosa's shiny eyes afterward.
When is gonna be my turn?
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Morning glory
I was just about
To write his thoughts:
"Logic is the way which justifies our senses and the needs, coming from our senses"
Somebody shouted:
"Ali"
And the door got open to the horizon.
Fuck,
Where are my shoes?
To write his thoughts:
"Logic is the way which justifies our senses and the needs, coming from our senses"
Somebody shouted:
"Ali"
And the door got open to the horizon.
Fuck,
Where are my shoes?
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Night crawling (final version)
And another night...
I woke up in the middle of the night by a sleepy voice. It was amazing. I woke up as I had woken up 3 months ago. I didn’t like the feeling. I looked to the voice. I loved this voice. It could be sleepy, it could be harsh, it could be so sweet, and it could be a human being. I smell the voice and it was the smell of 2 hours GYM and a lonely woman. I came up to take a proper look to my part of it. I went straight to bed and I tried to be as quiet as possible to hear everything.
I heard everything which I should hear. First voice: You shouldn't follow the clouds that crows are going toward. I could even touch it. It was so simple, so nice, and fragile voice. The voice, which I've tried so hard to hear it louder was in my hand. It was a soap bubble and it exploded with a noisy sound.
I put the noise down. I started to do some breathing. I closed my eyes in order to make my nose work better. I smelled a piece of bread which was re-toasted. And then another bread; yes it burned too. I followed my path on that one way street with no car, no bike whatsoever. Crows were singing in rap or it was kind of old school hip-hop. I couldn't really listen to it, because I started to smell the wind. I knew him from a long time ago. My ears started smelling as well. The wind had sort of smell from a place far far away. A smell of a house down by the river, which was welcoming you to have a cafe, or tea. Do you want a tea? Yes please. With milk or without milk? Just a bit, please. No No, Have you tried that Cappuccino we bought last week? No I haven’t. I want a Cappuccino, please. OK. You can try from mine. I will.
I opened my eyes. I saw a nice miserable voice which was singing some sort of coral and dancing in the wind in a very silly way. The voice was a dog. A bulldog that you just want to kick her ass because it is like a rugby ball. But her eyes were smelling like a dead rose. An elegy sort of tune.
Bird of pray was going down to the lake (or maybe cave, as leaves were gossiping about) to look for the pride. Such a glorious voice it is, I thought. But wind told me leave it alone man; he is just happy with a mouse, a rat maybe or two. Rats can also have sex. What is the difference, I said. Wind said fuck you man, smell it.
And I started to smell some drops on my head. It was raining. I looked to the sky and there were no crows any more. The cloud told me something about the crows. But I can't tell it to you. I mean I can’t put it in words. You should just smell it and that's it.
Down the lake the usual old man hiring the boat, were still taking the passengers. He hadn't charged me once I suppose. Yeah, I had just helped him to wash the dishes full of fish. That time he had been fishing. He used to have gray long hair but now it was completely white with an unshaven (maybe four or five days) beard. He was fatter than before. I went to say hello. He recognized me and asked so you are back man. Where have you been my red hair son?
I looked at the sky to find a word. I couldn’t pick one. It was full of scrambled letters but no word. I looked at him and I saw him smelling the cloud. He said, OK we can talk about it later. The rain is gonna make fishes to come up. Are you still fishing? Not really, I am so old to do that. So? They are bringing some light from the bottom of the lake. I couldn't pay my last electricity bill and it has been cut off. These days, there are not many passengers. I need some light for my shelter. But how come? I will show you, he said. Have you got a dead rose? Yes, I have one. Do they like the song? I asked. They just love it, he replied.
Crows were soaked looking to us from the top of the oak tree. They were so tired. I remembered the cloud but I felt sorry for them. They haven’t chosen to be crows, I thought. But they are. A group of ants were walking toward their nest with a dead fly. Wind sent their message. I asked how come? The crows are still here. I went completely in a different direction. But they are wet, wind said. Can't you see it? Yeah. So? I asked. Son, Are you wet? Old guy smiled.
I looked at myself. I was dry as my grand mom's bed sheet. Full of dried colorful Lillie's smell. She shouted from the kitchen: the bread is ready. I was running. Be careful it is hot. Oh, I burned. I told you; it is hot. But I burned myself. All of us are burned, she replied.
I loved to look at her old pictures. I saw a picture of a lake and a handsome guy near a boat. Who is he? I asked. He is your grandpa. But grandpa was dead when you were pregnant and you were pregnant in the picture. I was in secondary school, something like 13 years old (not a very lucky age, of course) and I knew about Odip when I was 8. That was sort of disrespect for me. She smelled my eyes. Smiled and replied by her touch that you are gonna know it one day.
And there were no clouds, no crows. Both were tired from pissing each other off. Old man was taking the light into his shelter. Thanks for the dead rose, he said. No problem, anytime. See you again. Maybe there is no more time. But see you again. yeah, see you.
He went inside the shelter and lighted up the candles. It was the smell of re-toasted bread in the garden. I looked to my hand. Yeah, the same bread that burned my hand. He looked to me through the window. Do you want to have a cafe? Why not, my granny told me once that never say no. Oh, sounds very familiar. I think I heard it one time from a red rose. He replied.
The fireplace was full of dead roses. Why you didn’t use your own roses. They are not for light. They are just for heating, he change their place in the fireplace. The house was warm and very cozy. He asked me: So where are you going? While he was looking at the fireplace dreaming about making love with my grandma when she was pregnant. It was sunny summer mid-day in his dream. You know son, I still have some bread if you want. No, I ate. Yes, I can see it. He looked to my hand.
We sat down and enjoyed the song from the fireplace.
OK, I am off, I said. OK son, all the best. Say hello to the river. I haven't met her for a long time. I will. Don't forget your swimming suit. No it is in the office. And towels? Yes I think.
I went to put on my shoes and I saw two snails crawling on the sea in different directions. Lake was actually a sea from this perspective. Now I understood why he used to call his boat, old spy in the sea of stars whenever he was getting drunk. He was smiling at his dream. I felt his smell and the voice of my grandma. Laughing or crying? Noting, wind said. It is just the sound of instincts pleasure. Don’t be so philosopher, I barked at him and keep on smelling. Their bodies became one and their voice as well while I was still wondering if it is laughing or crying. The sun was very pleasant and bumble bees were flying around the unified body. They smelled the sweet as well. Anyway, it was not that important. Old guy was dead in his dream, like my granny in hers.
I buried his body with all other dead roses. It took some time, although sea made the soil much easier to dig. I text Miklos that I will be 20 minutes late for swimming. I released the boat into the sea with a seed of rose. It faded in the horizon while albatrosses were diving in the sea and taking the light from fishes lips.
Snails were keeping on crawling and they made a sticky path all over the sea. That’s how some people could walk on the sea; wind whispered while he was scared to look at my eyes. I was too harsh with him, I confessed. I looked at him. Sometimes you are right old bustard. He smiled and hugged me. You are my friend, you know? I know.
I just took the picture of my grandma from the fireplace. I closed the door and put this sign on it: "FOR SALE".
Let’s go. Wind was going to give me a lift. He lighted up a cigarette. Do you want one? No, I just finished mine.
We were on the highway that snails had made.
I woke up in the middle of the night by a sleepy voice. It was amazing. I woke up as I had woken up 3 months ago. I didn’t like the feeling. I looked to the voice. I loved this voice. It could be sleepy, it could be harsh, it could be so sweet, and it could be a human being. I smell the voice and it was the smell of 2 hours GYM and a lonely woman. I came up to take a proper look to my part of it. I went straight to bed and I tried to be as quiet as possible to hear everything.
I heard everything which I should hear. First voice: You shouldn't follow the clouds that crows are going toward. I could even touch it. It was so simple, so nice, and fragile voice. The voice, which I've tried so hard to hear it louder was in my hand. It was a soap bubble and it exploded with a noisy sound.
I put the noise down. I started to do some breathing. I closed my eyes in order to make my nose work better. I smelled a piece of bread which was re-toasted. And then another bread; yes it burned too. I followed my path on that one way street with no car, no bike whatsoever. Crows were singing in rap or it was kind of old school hip-hop. I couldn't really listen to it, because I started to smell the wind. I knew him from a long time ago. My ears started smelling as well. The wind had sort of smell from a place far far away. A smell of a house down by the river, which was welcoming you to have a cafe, or tea. Do you want a tea? Yes please. With milk or without milk? Just a bit, please. No No, Have you tried that Cappuccino we bought last week? No I haven’t. I want a Cappuccino, please. OK. You can try from mine. I will.
I opened my eyes. I saw a nice miserable voice which was singing some sort of coral and dancing in the wind in a very silly way. The voice was a dog. A bulldog that you just want to kick her ass because it is like a rugby ball. But her eyes were smelling like a dead rose. An elegy sort of tune.
Bird of pray was going down to the lake (or maybe cave, as leaves were gossiping about) to look for the pride. Such a glorious voice it is, I thought. But wind told me leave it alone man; he is just happy with a mouse, a rat maybe or two. Rats can also have sex. What is the difference, I said. Wind said fuck you man, smell it.
And I started to smell some drops on my head. It was raining. I looked to the sky and there were no crows any more. The cloud told me something about the crows. But I can't tell it to you. I mean I can’t put it in words. You should just smell it and that's it.
Down the lake the usual old man hiring the boat, were still taking the passengers. He hadn't charged me once I suppose. Yeah, I had just helped him to wash the dishes full of fish. That time he had been fishing. He used to have gray long hair but now it was completely white with an unshaven (maybe four or five days) beard. He was fatter than before. I went to say hello. He recognized me and asked so you are back man. Where have you been my red hair son?
I looked at the sky to find a word. I couldn’t pick one. It was full of scrambled letters but no word. I looked at him and I saw him smelling the cloud. He said, OK we can talk about it later. The rain is gonna make fishes to come up. Are you still fishing? Not really, I am so old to do that. So? They are bringing some light from the bottom of the lake. I couldn't pay my last electricity bill and it has been cut off. These days, there are not many passengers. I need some light for my shelter. But how come? I will show you, he said. Have you got a dead rose? Yes, I have one. Do they like the song? I asked. They just love it, he replied.
Crows were soaked looking to us from the top of the oak tree. They were so tired. I remembered the cloud but I felt sorry for them. They haven’t chosen to be crows, I thought. But they are. A group of ants were walking toward their nest with a dead fly. Wind sent their message. I asked how come? The crows are still here. I went completely in a different direction. But they are wet, wind said. Can't you see it? Yeah. So? I asked. Son, Are you wet? Old guy smiled.
I looked at myself. I was dry as my grand mom's bed sheet. Full of dried colorful Lillie's smell. She shouted from the kitchen: the bread is ready. I was running. Be careful it is hot. Oh, I burned. I told you; it is hot. But I burned myself. All of us are burned, she replied.
I loved to look at her old pictures. I saw a picture of a lake and a handsome guy near a boat. Who is he? I asked. He is your grandpa. But grandpa was dead when you were pregnant and you were pregnant in the picture. I was in secondary school, something like 13 years old (not a very lucky age, of course) and I knew about Odip when I was 8. That was sort of disrespect for me. She smelled my eyes. Smiled and replied by her touch that you are gonna know it one day.
And there were no clouds, no crows. Both were tired from pissing each other off. Old man was taking the light into his shelter. Thanks for the dead rose, he said. No problem, anytime. See you again. Maybe there is no more time. But see you again. yeah, see you.
He went inside the shelter and lighted up the candles. It was the smell of re-toasted bread in the garden. I looked to my hand. Yeah, the same bread that burned my hand. He looked to me through the window. Do you want to have a cafe? Why not, my granny told me once that never say no. Oh, sounds very familiar. I think I heard it one time from a red rose. He replied.
The fireplace was full of dead roses. Why you didn’t use your own roses. They are not for light. They are just for heating, he change their place in the fireplace. The house was warm and very cozy. He asked me: So where are you going? While he was looking at the fireplace dreaming about making love with my grandma when she was pregnant. It was sunny summer mid-day in his dream. You know son, I still have some bread if you want. No, I ate. Yes, I can see it. He looked to my hand.
We sat down and enjoyed the song from the fireplace.
OK, I am off, I said. OK son, all the best. Say hello to the river. I haven't met her for a long time. I will. Don't forget your swimming suit. No it is in the office. And towels? Yes I think.
I went to put on my shoes and I saw two snails crawling on the sea in different directions. Lake was actually a sea from this perspective. Now I understood why he used to call his boat, old spy in the sea of stars whenever he was getting drunk. He was smiling at his dream. I felt his smell and the voice of my grandma. Laughing or crying? Noting, wind said. It is just the sound of instincts pleasure. Don’t be so philosopher, I barked at him and keep on smelling. Their bodies became one and their voice as well while I was still wondering if it is laughing or crying. The sun was very pleasant and bumble bees were flying around the unified body. They smelled the sweet as well. Anyway, it was not that important. Old guy was dead in his dream, like my granny in hers.
I buried his body with all other dead roses. It took some time, although sea made the soil much easier to dig. I text Miklos that I will be 20 minutes late for swimming. I released the boat into the sea with a seed of rose. It faded in the horizon while albatrosses were diving in the sea and taking the light from fishes lips.
Snails were keeping on crawling and they made a sticky path all over the sea. That’s how some people could walk on the sea; wind whispered while he was scared to look at my eyes. I was too harsh with him, I confessed. I looked at him. Sometimes you are right old bustard. He smiled and hugged me. You are my friend, you know? I know.
I just took the picture of my grandma from the fireplace. I closed the door and put this sign on it: "FOR SALE".
Let’s go. Wind was going to give me a lift. He lighted up a cigarette. Do you want one? No, I just finished mine.
We were on the highway that snails had made.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
We are all fucked up...
I think it is very true
Look in the loo
Somebody forgot
the love in the sink
It sticks to my hand
So that's why
I kissed your lips
And broke the promise
You know,
We are all fucked up...
Look in the loo
Somebody forgot
the love in the sink
It sticks to my hand
So that's why
I kissed your lips
And broke the promise
You know,
We are all fucked up...
No promise anymore
I have no clue. Whenever I promise something to myself, it becomes different. For instance
....
I had a nice night; and now somebody is talking with my phone. I can´t understand any word. But I know perfectly what she is talking about.
Gossiping is the best pleasure of modern life.
....
I had a nice night; and now somebody is talking with my phone. I can´t understand any word. But I know perfectly what she is talking about.
Gossiping is the best pleasure of modern life.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Lost in mine
I wake up every morning...I fart and I immediately go to the kitchen...But you know, I don't really know who is really going to the kitchen. Is it even kitchen or chicken?
I have no idea who I am. You can call me everything. You are calling me everything.
For instance, if you were my classmates in elementary school you might call me carrot.
Yes, this is who I am
Or perhaps, you met me in secondary school, then you might call me a rebel. A guy who fights too much in football. Nasty player.
Yes, that is also me
Or maybe you were very good friend of mine in high school and we were walking after finishing exams back home. It was something like 19 March 1994. You might call me bloody metal shit...
Yes, you can call me that as well
If you were a taxi driver in 1997 and passing from our house and I took your taxi, you might call me a monk, a bunch of hair.
Yes, I am a bunch of hair.
Or perhaps, you were a girl in 2000, when I was going to finish my BS. You were in love, I think. At least you liked me more than I liked you (but I miss you much more than you miss me)....You might call me dear... Honey dear...
I can be that one too.
If you were in Mashhad, studying in School of Engineering; you might call me fug.
I can be fug and if you want frog as well.
Maybe you met me in Canada. You might call me secret wild love from Indian territories. A Persian wolf.
I love to be a wolf. Lonely, loyal, and wild.
If you were in Birmingham, passing from my side while I was just to say hello to my bud on my mobile. After you hear my voice and sound of SA LAM, you might take your head up and look to my beard. You gonna call me a terrorist
Don't touch me I am gonna explode.
Or you might be that big name in something. You see me in a conference when I was talking about my messy colorful world of evolving numbers. I swear that I was thinking about that one-night American stand in Nice (marvelous beach I should say) and how mysterious sun shine was in the morning. The moment that I smell that massive gap among my space. Such a black hole it was (and still is).
You were thinking that this shaggy guy is going to be something.
Maybe that's why I am not a scientist after I came back. Scientists have salty eyes. Now I understand, science is sort of black magic. A black magic that you can sell.
Or maybe you met me in the garden at some times in September with the sky full of stars. You might call me a piece of cake who talks to much and lives like a pig
Yes, I can be a piggy radio cake.
Or maybe you were with me in Shiraz at some points in winter. We were walking in the street while I was looking for a fucking cafe-net in the middle of traditional bazaar. You said noting, just following me while you were bored. very bored. Walking 2 hours for Internet in a place full of carpets, hand crafts and eastern culture. You might call me stupid after I checked my email.
Yes, I am stupid. that's for sure.
Or perhaps you saw me once when I was passing by from you. It was Granville Island, you remember? Nice, Blondie, Bohemian Saturday mid day. you were on the floor completely high with you niddle in your hand. I came near by and told you man, do u want a cigar?
You thought I am Jesus Christ while I had a big big hate in my heart.
And you might be my love, bump to each other in train. I might take your hand while you are telling me "forget it, Ali"
Who is Ali?
I have no idea who I am. You can call me everything. You are calling me everything.
For instance, if you were my classmates in elementary school you might call me carrot.
Yes, this is who I am
Or perhaps, you met me in secondary school, then you might call me a rebel. A guy who fights too much in football. Nasty player.
Yes, that is also me
Or maybe you were very good friend of mine in high school and we were walking after finishing exams back home. It was something like 19 March 1994. You might call me bloody metal shit...
Yes, you can call me that as well
If you were a taxi driver in 1997 and passing from our house and I took your taxi, you might call me a monk, a bunch of hair.
Yes, I am a bunch of hair.
Or perhaps, you were a girl in 2000, when I was going to finish my BS. You were in love, I think. At least you liked me more than I liked you (but I miss you much more than you miss me)....You might call me dear... Honey dear...
I can be that one too.
If you were in Mashhad, studying in School of Engineering; you might call me fug.
I can be fug and if you want frog as well.
Maybe you met me in Canada. You might call me secret wild love from Indian territories. A Persian wolf.
I love to be a wolf. Lonely, loyal, and wild.
If you were in Birmingham, passing from my side while I was just to say hello to my bud on my mobile. After you hear my voice and sound of SA LAM, you might take your head up and look to my beard. You gonna call me a terrorist
Don't touch me I am gonna explode.
Or you might be that big name in something. You see me in a conference when I was talking about my messy colorful world of evolving numbers. I swear that I was thinking about that one-night American stand in Nice (marvelous beach I should say) and how mysterious sun shine was in the morning. The moment that I smell that massive gap among my space. Such a black hole it was (and still is).
You were thinking that this shaggy guy is going to be something.
Maybe that's why I am not a scientist after I came back. Scientists have salty eyes. Now I understand, science is sort of black magic. A black magic that you can sell.
Or maybe you met me in the garden at some times in September with the sky full of stars. You might call me a piece of cake who talks to much and lives like a pig
Yes, I can be a piggy radio cake.
Or maybe you were with me in Shiraz at some points in winter. We were walking in the street while I was looking for a fucking cafe-net in the middle of traditional bazaar. You said noting, just following me while you were bored. very bored. Walking 2 hours for Internet in a place full of carpets, hand crafts and eastern culture. You might call me stupid after I checked my email.
Yes, I am stupid. that's for sure.
Or perhaps you saw me once when I was passing by from you. It was Granville Island, you remember? Nice, Blondie, Bohemian Saturday mid day. you were on the floor completely high with you niddle in your hand. I came near by and told you man, do u want a cigar?
You thought I am Jesus Christ while I had a big big hate in my heart.
And you might be my love, bump to each other in train. I might take your hand while you are telling me "forget it, Ali"
Who is Ali?
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Pen, Airport and Valentine
I found my father's pen
After a long time
Is it a sign?
This time I just want to put a dot
A mathematical zero
After this line
.
It is hard to leave your bud
After that cigarette and cold
bitter beer in the airport's bar
But your ticket is just for now
You have to go through that line
To check-in for your long long flight
I am affraid
We even have no more time
Or let say right (Regarding to terrorist attacks in airports!!)
To look back after saying goodbye
By the way
Yanni reminded me
Today is valentine
After a long time
Is it a sign?
This time I just want to put a dot
A mathematical zero
After this line
.
It is hard to leave your bud
After that cigarette and cold
bitter beer in the airport's bar
But your ticket is just for now
You have to go through that line
To check-in for your long long flight
I am affraid
We even have no more time
Or let say right (Regarding to terrorist attacks in airports!!)
To look back after saying goodbye
By the way
Yanni reminded me
Today is valentine
Monday, February 12, 2007
Coffe-break thoughts
I am thinking about MY social life
MY research, papers,
Money and dolls
I am thinking about MY future
MY mysterious way
In the era of global warming
Internet
And security wars
It is so funny;
you know why?
Suddenly I remember that child
Maybe it was 1991
Or just just now
The girl who was with that posh mom
Crying for a cheap bubble gum
When she had no teeth
To chew the gum
And mom didn't have any change
To buy that gum
Don't take it wrong
Because she spent all of HER love
To have a quick fun
With that bloody red hair son
MY research, papers,
Money and dolls
I am thinking about MY future
MY mysterious way
In the era of global warming
Internet
And security wars
It is so funny;
you know why?
Suddenly I remember that child
Maybe it was 1991
Or just just now
The girl who was with that posh mom
Crying for a cheap bubble gum
When she had no teeth
To chew the gum
And mom didn't have any change
To buy that gum
Don't take it wrong
Because she spent all of HER love
To have a quick fun
With that bloody red hair son
Messenger
Tell to the sun
If you see her around
Tell her that I am so fun
If I drop with my bomb
On her hot surface of shine
If you see her around
Tell her that I am so fun
If I drop with my bomb
On her hot surface of shine
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