On the turning away

We talked again. Well, I don't know what should I say but I think the distance is getting wider and wider. It was a silly thing. But of course, I was pissed off for it. I had the right and reason. And of course, she might also have her own reasons (although I am not sure).

We could never manage to have a decent talk. Just one time, I suppose.

I forgive you for that silly thing, the only reason that I was angry.

I haven't got the right socks

I understood the answer of all questions
Hanging in my mind
You know bud
After taking the shower
Look at your calender
Not only today
Everyday
If it was today
Never put your black socks
Or green ones
Or blue
Just go with no socks

Sound of anger

1- I am angry.
2- I have the reason to be angry
3- Sometimes having a reason is very important. Just sometimes
4- This time my reason is absolutely not my selfishness.
5- Of course, I am a selfish person like everybody.
6- Your reasons might be different from your being. You can have an unselfish reason as a selfish person.
7- Selfishness is the matter of degrees.
8- Selfishness can be relatively compared among people or within a certain individual.
9- I am fed up of talking about common senses.
10- It is a grate bizzar. I mean, when people are so narrow. Even remembering it is pain.
11- I did some wrong choices in my life for sure.
12- I made some wrong feelings as well based on my wrong choices.
13- But this anger is completely apart from my feelings. It is just the matter of respect.
14- This time, should I say that I am not gonna forgive it?
15- Well, let's see; but surely I am not gonna forget it.
16- Apart from the particular reason, I have the right to be angry.
17- So I am definitely angry. I can feel it.
18- Your feeling can be different from reality.
19- Reality is the source of everything fake.
20- But reality is the matter of degree.
21- So fakes are also the matter of degrees
22- So I am not that much angry, because it should be fake to some degrees !!!

Nice incident

Just 5 minutes after posting previous one, I understood that I even don't deserve some ham. Well, both sides of the coin are interesting. The concept of deserve, which is amazing by itself , came again in to my reality. Finally, I understood that ham is the problem. If I would deserve some ham, I might deserve something else too. Well, my service is not needed anymore. That's the reason.

So we deserve something when somebody or something need us.

Back to my code again...

Deserving or not deserving: That's not the case

1- All human beings get offended when they receive something that they don't deserve.
2- All human beings get something that they don't deserve.
3- All human beings get offended.
4- Sometimes you get offended for other's ignorance.
5- Sometimes you get offended for other's interests.
6- Sometimes you get offended for other's suffering.
7- Sometimes you get offended for your selfishness.
8- Sometimes you get offended for other's selfishness.
9-Sometimes you get offended for your country.
10- Sometimes you get offended for noting.
11- Sometimes you get offended for everything.
12- If you get offended it doesn't mean that you don't deserve it.
13- But it doesn't mean that you deserve it as well.
14- So we should get offended sometimes because we are human being.
15- It doesn't mean that we deserve to be human being.
16- Human being? What sort of animals are you talking about?
17- I think I deserve something.
18- When you deseve something, you don't deserve something else.
19- That is exactly the time which you and me think we are human beings.
19- So human being is a creature who thinks it deserves something.
21- That's why we get offended, because we think we are still human being.

Belfast Blues

(To the man, Yasha)

I love to learn your signs
When you were coughing
And your son was smiling

I love to talk with your signs
When you were drunk
After your mom's funeral

I love to hear your signs
Whenever I was in love
And you were far from mine

I love to see your signs
All the times that I was blue
Sad or alone

I love to smell your signs
When you were happy
Under a shinny bright sky

I love to have your signs
When we said goodbye
And went to our side

I love to be your signs
When I will bury you
With lots of flowers
And a barrel of wine

I love to fade in your signs
Though I know there is no end
If I want to be in your mind

I think I am back

1- Noting is more satisfying than doing something extra-ordinary.
2- We are more happy with no easy stuffs.
3- Have you got an easy sex?
4- Very easy one I mean.
5- Sex is a metaphoric action rather than physical.
6- What are you thinking when you are alone dancing in the middle of a funky party?
7- No thought can be deeper than that; when you are just seeing pictures and pictures in your mind while floating in music. Not a concious thought...
8- I learned something from life I think
9- The principle of 3F: Forget, Forgive and Fuck
10- Eat well, Sleep well, Think well
11- Bring the intellectual and emotional noise down and down to get rid of the noise. Then put it on the corner and look at it.
12- Sometimes you have to talk to yourself as a friend or even an enemy.
13- When you have the right to talk you are obliged to listen as well.
14- Weman can see the things properly, but they might not take it.
15- It is incredible, I think things become much easier to stand.
16- That's because of chemicals.
17- Green is the color that I like the most, but I am very happy with my red shoes, red plover and red scarf.
18- How much can somebody be stupid?
19- Of course, what are you talking about?
20- Moon will not be obscured by the clouds forever. That's right, but you shouldn't be blind as well.
21- Baby sitting? I have been asked impliciy and explicitly.
22- Well, I think I am back again!!!

Other side of the morning

Where are you going?
To the other side of the morning
Don't follow the words
Or even smiles

Do you know we exist?
Or we roll by TV?
Do you know the clouds?
Or even blue berries?

Do you know death?
Do you know light?
Do you know fear in a lonley night?

Do you have pain?
Do you have love?
Do you have sign in others cry?

Did you do murder?
Or rape
Did you shot bullet in a child's head?

I see all the fellings inside
Nostalgic, nutural, glourious
Just like a river
I'll mother all
And flow

Another one went

And another one. Like all the of them, you have been informed by a very quick call. This time was the oldest friend of mine. Yasha's mom passed away. A woman which I knew her from my childhood. Warm, bossy and very carful about her sons. A real persian mom. She went and Yasha gonna be more lonely than before.

Something can happen to you that you don't deserve. But it will happen, sooner or later.

Such stories we've started together in Belfast. Man, I never forget that day. And now look at both of us. We again did something together for the first time.

Bless her. Yasha man, my heart is with you. I wish I was there.

Back to the tradition

Coming back again to myself. Walking after dinner to university, while talking with myself in my mother tongue. Going from the other side of the night to the other. Looking to sky and remember all the times that you wanted power for just your selfishness. Even when you did a miracle like jesus.

God is the most selfish being then, as sky is.

Summery

1- The world is nutural. We are making the world as a perception and perception is conditoned to our condition.
2- Internal movements are full of attractors. If you start spining around them you gonna trap there. You need a shift in your movement.
3- That is what I called as inspiration. When you are waiting for thousands of information from different ways. Let them come and try to process them subconsiouly. Don't filter them. Just let them store. And then all of a sudden out of this complex a new idea, a new way, a new creation will be born.
4- Waiting and standing the situation is the only way that you can do at some points. But you have tp pass it.
5- Nice observation: When you punch and get punched you have less pain. When you just punch, you get tired. When you just get punched, not only you are punched but also your being is getting smashed.
6- I think, well, at the end of the day "SO WHAT?"
7- Presumption and expectation makes our life harder. When you think about something and it doesn't happen you suffer. The source of this suffer is selfishness and noting more. Because you never care about the other's expectations and presumptions.
8- Coencidences are quasi-random processes. Sometimes something is coming to you as your mirror. You can see your things in another face, another eyes, or another text. And then you remember all the times that you were winner or loser but this time you look at the table from the oposite side, not the one that you used to be.
9- Another observation: If you judge something you can never take it properly. Judgment makes expectations.
10- All of us looking for happiness, although it is not the most important issue of our life. I think, I find the answer. The WALK in the path that you take to reach the happiness is the most important issue of our life.
11- We have to believe in something. I don't think that the subject of believing is very important. The concept of believing is the core of any belief.

I hate sunglasses

I am always asking why we shouldn't gaze to the sun. I loved it when I was a child. You are not seeing anything apart from a red floating ball which is going inside your brain like a bullet....Injects you the reallity of being...Being....The thing that just sun can show you, and we always forget it because of our sunglasses....The crap that we pay the furtune for it....Being a being is a great pleasure which we always forget it....Fuck you sunglasses.....Fuck you all....Thanks god that I forgot mine back home. It makes me to remember the reallity of MY being. I should just take the suffer of burning and gazing....

Joking

Love was a heavy joke
Which was made by the environment
And a dream
So I was in love for days and nights
Without having any

Who am I?

One night I was a kid with lots of marks in the form of question
And the morning after a monk fliping between happiness and pain
In the noon time a scientist and in the afternoon a shagger
The evening I was a lover and before the midnight a loser
I am still waiting for the midnight to make sure who I am

Rainbow

The desert told me you are yellow,
And the tree told me you are green,
The ocean said blue, the black bird as well
and you told me I am gray
So now you tell me
What should I do with so many colors?

For XMAS night

1- We can never predict the future.
2- If I could predict the future, I would never have feeling.
3- Feelings are unpredictable.
4- Repeated experiments are predictable.
5- Prediction is a scientific procedure.
6- Feelings are not a scientific paradigm.
7- I am a scientist, although I have feelings.
8- Conflicts are the enemy of scientific theories.
9- Enemies could help you to progress.
10- Conflicts make the paradigm shifts.
11- Number 10 is just a theory.
12- Theories are not always applicable.
13- Feelings are not always applicable too.
14- Moving on is not always necessary.
15- Necessity is not always the only way.
16- Feelings are always necessary, although they make conflicts.
17- Conflicts can be resolved.
18- Resolution can change the procedure.
19- Procedures are always necessary although they should simplify the reality.
20- Reality is channel of information.
21- Information is always incomplete.
22- Completeness is so cold. It makes you as a god with no feeling.
23- God is just a mathematical concept, although it is indescribable.
24- Description is not always necessary.
25- Always is crap word. Concepts are dynamic.
26- Dynamism is observable.
27- Observations are measurable.
28- Feelings are not measurable.
29- Measurements increase the information.
30- Increment in information makes more conflicts.
31- Feelings can be increased.
32- Conflicts can raise questions.
33- Questions make you to move on.
34- Moving on needs standing up.
35- Standing up is a paradigm shift.
36- Shift is necessary, but it depends to the dynamic.
37- Dependency is because of feelings.
38- God is independent.
39- Independency is a dynamic concept.
40- Concepts are based on definitions.
41- Definitions are also dependent.
42- Feelings make you dependent.
43- Dependency has different forms like feelings.
44- We are different.
45- Difference is another way of defining similarity.
46- Similarity is measurable.
47- Bugs are measurable too.
48- Bugs can be every where; in your head, in your code, or in your hair.
49- Bugs need human; although they might be in computers.
50- I have my own bugs so I should be human again !!!