Before going to bed

1- Your problem is not the only problem of the world.
2- Although you might think that you are the only person having a particular problem, you are not alone in your pain.
3- But we born alone, we live alone and at the end, we die alone.
4- Loneliness is the building block of individualism.
5- Individualism is the introduction of intellectualism.
6- Intellectualism quote is that “I’m thinking so I’m being”; not “I’m feeling so I’m being”.
7- Feelings have an external source.
8- So we have a feeling, if and only if, an external concept gives you the reason.
9- Feelings are logic-less.
10- Logic is the language of intellectualism.
11- “I love you” is another way to describe “I am not feeling lonely”.
12- When you have love, you have pain.
13- You have pain because you are not lonely.
14- You are not lonely because you are logic-less.
15- You have reason to have pain: You have an external source.
16- You can't compare feelings with each other.
17- Apple and orange are different; as you and me, as our feelings, as our logic and our pains.
18- You can have feeling toward someone else while you are with someone else.
19- You can feel lonely while the other one doesn’t feel that.
20- That is because of an external source. It can be a smile, a passionate sex or a music piece.
21- Feelings are nice.
22- Nice is another logic-less concept. Logical stuffs are either true or false.
23- When something is nice, you are happy.
24- That’s why happiness is not the most important issue of our life.
25- And maybe that’s the reason we are alone.
26- I am thinking so I am alone.
27- I have pain so I am not alone.
28- “I love you” so I am alone; although “I am not feeling lonely”.
29- I am alone so I am being.
30- I have pain so I don’t have a logical procedure.
31- But anyway: I love you because I have feeling.
32- I have feeling so I am not being.
33- I am not being so I am not thinking.
34- I am not thinking, that’s why I am in love.
35- I am in love, you are in love but we are lonely.
36- That’s why my problem is not the only problem of the world.
37- So we are being.
38- I have pain, so I am being.
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n- We are lonely because we obliged to have pain, logic and feeling. That’s why we are human being!!!

Last 35 hours

1- Sometimes you can't help your feelings
2- Feelings are chemicals penetrated in your brain
3- On the other hand, feelings are just state of mind
4- All the States of the mind caused by chemicals
5- Chemicals are coming by some signals
6- Sometimes signals are fake, people give you signals in order to mis-lead you
7- I am helping myself and of course my signal processing paradigm
8- So, somehow I should struggle against chemicals
9- I've been successful to some extent but I am far far from my regular state.
10- I need to go home
11- I am lucky one, people are waiting for me
12- I will come out of this crap
13- I have to go to school now
14- I don't let hate to come over
15- I will receive the one that I deserve, one day, sooner or later
16- I hope you also receive peace, although you were not honest with me.

Regards

For one of my usual viewer...My lovely Italian sister....For Maria Cristina Carile....I highly appreciate your help and your support....maybe, you still don't know how much you help me....I hope I can pay it back....All the best by all of my cells....

And from now on...

1- I am in in the lowest known level of my self...
2- I haven't been happy in the past 3 months...
3- Actually, happiness is not the most important issue in your life....
4- When there is an ultimate down, there is gonna be an ultimate up as well...
5- I am seeing the path much better after the fug...
4- I am listening to Leonard Cohn
5- Sometimes, you have to be hursh with yourself and the other people because of the sake of happiness....
6- Again, happiness is not the most important issue of the life...
7- Love is the most impotant issue....but what is love?
8- love is suffering...
9- life is suffering too...
10- I am moving forward while suffering....I am sure....
11- Yes, tommorow is another day....
12- and I am going home, to the place that some people waiting for me....
13- and YES, I heard the BIG NO but I am gonna say to myself the big YES....YES....
14- I am happy, although happiness is not the most important issue of my life....

Life is not all the times in the way that we want. You might spend 3 months, 3 years or whatever to change something. You struggle for that by all the means. You try to go beyond yourself. Even put yourself in a position of a pet or crist or whatever. You are trying, trying just on that matter.....You forget all of your periorities, even yourself, your life, your parents, your friends.....Ok, and then all of a sudden you see the door closed....This is not the easiest moment of your life for sure. But when the door is closed, it is closed. And you should bare in your mind that it is GONNA be closed. You don't want it, You don't deserve it, etc etc but you have to approve it. There is no other way whatsoever.

Well, This 6 months was increadible. How much ups and downs I experienced....Wow....

Now I am in a position which urgently need re-configuration. I am near crash. Although it is trap in a mental condition but it is not gonna be easy to pass. I am experiencing a tough period, but I have to move on. There is no other way but Moving on....I've started from sketch many many times and I am sure I am gonna be able to do the same again....I've to start again, it is hard but I will....My days are coming....I believe in it....